rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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