I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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