hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
