Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
