Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
