K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
