you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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