You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
