There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
