Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
