My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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