That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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