There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
