i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
