Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
