You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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