But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
