I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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