dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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