Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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