stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
