I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
