Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
3pm strippers are depressing
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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