he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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