This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
