weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
