what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
