So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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