Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
