Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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