I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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