I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
