If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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