Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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