I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
