i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
