i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
