My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
