Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
