the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
try to milk me bitch
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
