so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
