i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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