I wannas sexs uuuuu
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
