"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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