everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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