I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
