Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
