I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
