You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
