My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
