Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
